select * from (

 SELECT * FROM `user_friends` AS `f`
 LEFT JOIN `users` as `u` 
 ON `f`.`user_id` = `u`.`id`  
 WHERE (`f`.`user_id` = 1 OR `f`.`friend_id`=1)
 UNION
 SELECT * FROM `user_friends` AS `f`
 RIGHT JOIN `users` as `u` 
 ON `f`.`friend_id` = `u`.`id` 
 WHERE (`f`.`user_id` = 1 OR `f`.`friend_id`=1)
) as `tr` where `id` != 1

$user =ORM::factory('user');
$friends=$user->userfriends->where('user_id', '=', '1',)->or_where('friend_id', '=', '1',)->as_array('id');
foreach ($friends as $id)
        {
            $user->where('id', '=', $id,)->and_where('id', '!=', 1,)->find_all();   
        }
Может как то так?